Akiramekiranai
by Sea of Hazel
Summary: Uploaded under new pen name. As the Starlights prepare to leave, Usagi considers the path laid out before her-- and wonders if maybe she should walk another.


Author: Sea of Hazel  
Disclaimer: Standard disclaimers apply.  
AN: Short 'n sweet Seiya/Usagi fic. If you do not like the   
pairing, do not read. That's it! R & R welcome!  
  
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Akiramekirenai  
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She was numb. She couldn't breath. She was suffocating, drowning, and yet she was still standing on the top of that   
building, the turmoil she felt inside having no affect on the outside.   
  
Her mind had drifted into autopilot an obscure amount of time ago, seeking refuge from the unbearable pain. She could   
only watch helplessly through dulled eyes and plastered smiles, speaking every so often with a cheery voice she did not   
recognise as her own.   
  
But even years later, she never could remember what she had said.   
  
They were leaving. He was leaving. She wanted to say something, anything, but her body refused to obey. He was so close,   
close enough for her to lunge forward and throw her arms around him, yet he seemed so far away.   
  
And she could do nothing but watch with that damned smile.   
  
She wanted to cry, but her body wouldn't even allow that. She tried despretly to push the burning of unshed tears back   
into the pit of her stomach, her pulse begining to pound ruthlessly against her temples.   
  
He spoke, but she never heard a word of it. She couldn't hear anything beyond the pulsing in her head and her own rythmatic   
breathing. It had not been directed to her anyway. Her unperceiving gaze shifted to the person he spoke with, the man at her side.   
  
Mamoru.  
  
She felt sick. Her Mamoru, her precious Mamo-chan. She felt like she was betraying him, as though her thoughts and emotions   
were serrated daggers aimed for his heart. But she could do nothing to change her heart and mind, just as she could do   
nothing to change her fate.  
  
Fate. It was a word as cruel as it was benevolent. She was fated to be with Mamoru for the rest of her life, maybe even in   
the lives to come. It was already set in stone. She knew her past, and she knew her future. She felt like a bird trapped in   
a gilded cage, everything she could ever want handed to her in a flawless golden package. An adoring husband from a past life,   
a beautiful child, wealth and power, everything that she had ever dreamed of was hers for the taking.  
  
But was that really what she wanted?  
  
Her heart pounded for this other man like it had for no other, not even her Mamo-chan. He stirred feelings in her that she had   
never felt before, and what was worse, she liked it. She liked it more than she knew she should have. And that scared her.   
Every time she saw him she was torn between throwing herself into his arms and pushing him as far away from her as possible,   
but she could do neither, so she settled for burrying her feelings under the friendly facade.   
  
But now, it was all begining to seep through.   
  
Every last ounce of the emotions she had held back were now pouring into her senses like water bursting through a collasped   
dam. She was drowning in them, unable to gather her chaotic thoughts. Her gaze unconsiously traveled to the fathomless depths   
of the windows to his soul, her cerulean clashing with his sapphire and rendering her powerless. It seemed as though time stood   
still for them, allowing them to hold eachother in their eyes for a few extra torturing yet pleasurable minutes. She wanted to   
cry out in frustration, but as if in a trance, she could not turn away. A mere few steps and she could change the entire   
course of her future, she could leave her past and take hold of her present. She lived here and now, not a thousand years ago.   
That life was over.  
  
A name quickly surfaced in her thoughts, and extinguished any hopes of dislodging herself from her predetermined fate.   
  
Mamoru.   
  
She forced her eyes away from the warm depths of the ocean he held within his gaze. Mamoru loved her. And after everything he   
had done for her, (AN: Anyone else's mind drawing a blank? ::Chibi Haruka and Seiya raise their hands::) how could she abandon   
him? How could she leave the comforts of the predestined fairy tale she was to live for an unsure path?  
  
But fairy tales didn't exist.  
  
They weren't real. And she was losing herself trying to hold onto it. She needed to let go and face reality, however harsh and   
uncertain it may be. When she was with Seiya, she was herself, even when restricting her emotions. He brought out her true shine   
that lay hidden beneath years of compiled lies and false hopes. With him, she was complete.  
  
She gazed though nonchalant eyes at his retreating figure, her mind and heart racing beyond her control. The sunset encased him   
from behind, highlighting his wind-swept ebony hair gold, and seemed to swallow him, as if to tell her she had lost him. But she   
couldn't loose him, she thought frantically. She couldn't loose him.   
  
Because she was in love, beyond her fate, beyond her uncertainty, beyond all help.  
  
She just wanted him. She didn't need a golden package filled to the brim with her wishes. She would find happiness on her own.   
And she didn't need a set path to walk along. She would carve her own path, and walk it with her own lover. Not someone she was   
obligated to be with because of a child or an empire, but someone she wanted to be with because of love.   
  
"Don't go."  
  
It was a whisper, soft and gentle, but it shook with emotion. Tears welled up in her watery eyes and clouded her vision, but   
she was unsecessfull in pushing them back into their ducts. She gathered up the courage to begin again, gaining more of what   
little control she had of her body.  
  
"Don't go."  
  
She said it with more force this time, gaining his attention. He turned, a look of what seemed like a mixture of suprise and   
love gracing his handsom features at the sight of her tears. She stepped forward, the barrior holding her emotions in check   
crumbling in tune with the shattering of her tears against concrete.  
  
"Don't go... please... please don't go, Seiya."  
  
Her voice cracked on his name. Her knees were weak, barely sustaining her trembling body as she choked down several sobs. He   
seemed pained, as though the words he would speak held as little truth as it did lies.  
  
"There's no reason for me to stay."  
  
The beating of her heart fell silent, and the erratic pulsing in her ears ceased. The words had cut through her like a knife,   
severing her heart from her body in one quick merciless swipe. He didn't love her. He didn't return her feelings, the ones that   
ran deeper than any ocean possibly could. Her eyes dropped, and with it, her nerve. In one single, simple sentence, she had lost   
the only two men she had ever loved. Self-hatred quickly crept over her and she clentched her fists into tight balls, draping her   
eyelids over her dull, lifeless eyes. Mamoru would surely never speak to her again, and she didn't blame him. And Seiya, he would   
leave, having found nothing to bind him to this backwater planet or its people.   
  
But she couldn't give up. She wouldn't. Too much hung on this moment. Her future, her happiness, they were things she could not   
allow to be taken from her by her own mistakes.  
  
She resolutly lifted her eyes back to his and unclentched her fists, determined to finish what she had started, no matter how much   
it hurt. No matter how much she would suffer in the long run. Pain she could live with, repressed emotions she could not.  
  
"Am i not a good enough reason?"  
  
The crowd drew in a collective gasp, and she was sure she that would never hear the end of lectures on 'not tampering with fate'.   
But she ignored them, ignored the future, and only concentrated on what was here and now. Her beloved.   
  
He stared at her in shock, a silence having drapped over them like a thick, unwelcome blanket. She had prepared herself for the sting   
of his words long before the question escaped her quivering lips, but the deafening silence was a factor she had not counted on. And   
it was driving her absolutly mad. Finally, after what seemed like eons of the torturous stillness, his lips curved into a soft smile.   
  
"Are you a reason?"  
  
She smiled, a few tears spilling forth down her creamy cheeks with the gesture. He was teasing her, trying to make her declare   
the simple statement behind the anguished tears and despret pleas. She answered with a question, her soft, uncertain voice   
nearly dissapating in the breeze.  
  
"Would you stay with me if i was?"  
  
He stepped towards her in slow strides, removing one hand from the pocket of his navy school uniform to trail it down her cheek   
to her jawline, his fingers barely grazing her skin. She shuddered at his touch and drew in a shaky breath. Her eyes remained rivited   
to his, their bodies a tantalizing mere inches apart.  
  
"Odango, if you were a reason... i'd stay by your side for all eternity. And i'd love you for even longer."  
  
The breath escaped her lips with a fresh set of tears, and he smiled, gently wipping them away.  
  
"So are you a reason, then?"  
  
One word. Just one word and she would be free. How could such a single, simple word be the difference between freedom and captivity?   
Eternal happiness and everlasting saddness? Hope and despair? This was what she had been waiting for since the moment they met,   
since the first time she had stared into his eyes and secretly wished for his touch, his kiss.   
  
Her lips slowly parted to utter the one word that could change her entire future, that could make her completely and utterly happy,  
that could carve a new fate...  
  
"Yes."  
  
And with that, she had bared her heart and soul, had declared what words could never have. His lips fell to hers in the searing l  
ong awaited kiss both had shared only in their fondest dreams, and embraced eachother with a strength not even fate could unbind.  
  
It was then she realized, as he pulled away to gaze into her fathomless cerulean pools, ones that now brimmed with tears of   
happiness, that they were one and the same... and she would no longer be forced to live her life by a predetermined fate.  
  
She was free.  
  
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Owari  
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I know... it was short. Not really my normal work either. But i just felt like writing something short and sweet. Anyways, the title of  
this fic, 'Akiramekirenai', means 'I can't give you up', for those of you who don't know. I thought it fit... Ja ne!  
  
Like it? Hate it? Think i should have done something different? Opinions welcome! Besides, if i get enough reviews it might give me   
insperation to write another one!  
  
Sea of Hazel   
~~`~@  
  
  
I am a shooting star,  
forever fated to be alone   
in the distant night sky.  
But in a world of white,  
you appeared,  
with a fate similar to mine.  
And i fell in love with you.  
I gave up my wings  
and fell to earth,  
like you must have done.  
You were my angel, my hope.  
You were born of light,  
and i, of darkness,  
fated to never cross paths.  
But we defyed fate  
and we crossed paths...  



End file.
